Helping Mother

I grew up in Bowling Green, Kentucky but have not lived there since 1969. I spent three months with my parents in the summer of 1991, before I returned to Mount St Mary’s Abbey in Wrentham Ma. as a Postulant (from the Latin word for one who seeks/asks).

My parents had been living in their same old Victorian home for 42 years when, in the summer of 2000, my father fell down the stairs. He was 87. It became clear that they had to move out of that house-and the sooner the better.Since neither of my two sisters could do all the necessary things to move my parents they called my superior, Mother Agnes, and told her my help was urgently needed.

During my stay in Bowling Green I attended daily Mass. I didn’t know many people, but several introduced themselves. One man who expressed his understanding that being away from my monastery must be difficult for me, gave me a box of candy made by our monks at Gethsemani -to sweeten my time of exile! It was such a very thoughtful gesture. I suspect I did not convey the depth of my gratitude for this kindness from a person whose name I didn’t know!By mid-February of 2001, my parents were settled in the retirement complex, we had sold their house and I returned to Wrentham. In July I was transferred to our daughter house in Crozet Va. where the sisters in this smaller community were planning a capital campaign to finish the building of the monastery there.

In June of 2002, my mother had a massive heart attack. I made an emergency trip to Bowling Green. We did not expect Mother to survive, but she did. About four months later, Daddy fell and broke his hip. He did fine with the surgery and post-operative care and therapy. Daddy was expected to return home from the nursing home when he died very suddenly. It was a shock. He was 87.

Mother and Daddy were married just four months less than 70 years.I stayed with her for about three weeks and then she visited my sister in Georgia and I returned to the monastery in Crozet

Four months after Mother returned to the retirement complex she fell and broke her hip. She managed the surgery and post-surgery rehabilitation very well. Even so, my sisters and I knew she would need someone with her 24 hours and 7 days a week.

When I came to care for Mother in December 2003, I didn’t know how long I would be needed. We had to approach the needs one day at a time. My sisters were very puzzled about how in the world I would cope with not having a car. I was not terribly concerned. In the monastery I was accustomed to staying at home all the time. I knew I could count on my sisters to visit at least once a month and to help us with grocery shopping if necessary. There were also some resources provided by the staff at the complex, which I felt sure we could manage for doctor appointments and other needs.

On the weekends when my sisters were able to come, I borrowed their cars to go to church. On one such occasion, I took a few moments to speak to the pastor about my situation and to ask for some one to bring communion. He quickly observed “You could really use a car. I’m sure there is someone here who has a car they could lend you.” I had not expected that response, and didn’t pursue it with Fr Jerry.

A few weeks later, my dear friend Joy called for a telephone visit. As is her practice, she concluded our conversation with prayer. She very specifically asked that God would send someone to assist us with a car. I was-as always-impressed with Joy’s confidence in the goodness of God and of other people, an uplifting witness to the loving generosity of our heavenly Father!

The next Monday morning, since my sister was in town, I borrowed her car and went to the daily Mass. At the close of the Mass andwithout any warning Fr Jerry announced to all that “Sr Linda-whom several of you remember-is here taking care of her mother, who is very sick. Sr Linda could really use a car. I know some of you have an extra one that you aren’t using, so if you can help, please let her know.” Then he walked to the back of the church to greet us as we left.

I was completely surprised, utterly unprepared. As I turned to make my way to the door, a man walked up to me and said “I have a car for you. Give me your address and phone number and I’ll have it delivered to you first thing tomorrow morning.” I was stunned. I fumbled for an appropriately HUGE word of gratitude as I wrote out my address and phone number. I remember saying “I don’t even know your name!” He did introduce himself as “John” and promised the car the following morning.

Sure enough, there was a call the next morning-followed shortly by the delivery of a perfect little silver-blue car-easy for Mother to get in and out of with walker and wheelchair. There were no questions asked, no strings or conditions attached, just a request that we let John or his assistant know if we needed anything. Fortunately, I had one of our monastery’s Gouda cheeses in the refrigerator in Mother’s kitchen. I quickly wrapped it, addressed it to John with a thank you note, and asked the driver to return it to John.

As it turned out, we had called Mother’s doctor that morning about a problem she was having, and had to rush her to his office within an hour of the arrival of that car! There have been several occasions on which I have thought, “how would we have managed without this car?”

As I prayed and pondered the goodness of God, the generosity of this person and his obvious goodness, I felt a need to write a thank you letter and describe our situation here a little more.
A few days later, I received a letter from John, thanking me for the letter and inviting me to dinner with him and his wife Chris at their home. I quickly checked with my sisters to see if either would be here for the weekend and able to stay with Mother. With that in place, I called and accepted with delight and some trepidation! After 14 years in the monastery my “going out to dinner experience” had grown rather rusty and dusty! I prepared a small flower arrangement from Mother’s garden to take along, and found myself at their door Saturday night. Warmly welcomed, I was still really tense! What to say! I thought, I can talk about the monastic life. They were both interested and attentive. It turns out they are both Benedictine Oblates of St Meinrad’s Archabbey in Indiana-near where Chris grew up. So! We have the Rule of St Benedict in common!

It was time for dinner. John had baked some wonderful bread and made a delicious Italian sauce and pasta. Chris made a great salad and the best dessert I’ve had in ages.

I still struggled with conversation at table, after 14 years of silent meals. At one point, I brought up the time I had spent in Bowling Green preparing to sell my parents house, and John said, “That’s when I first met you-remember? You were here during Christmas and I thought it must be a hard time to be away from the monastery, and gave you a box of Gethsemani’s bourbon fudge.” NOW I knew who that was!

Meanwhile, in the back of my mind, I’m realizing that God is using this whole period of my time here for an incredible array of purposes. Of course, I had no clue about what was coming when Joy prayed for a car, Fr Jerry made the appeal, and John responded-on the spot. I am continually reminded of the many blessings God is pouring out in my life and how poorly I make return for all that God gives me. Please help me say THANK YOU!

Srm Linda, Bowling Green, Kentucky and
Our Lady of Angels Monastery, Crozet, Va.