Facing Your Mortality at age 45

(Week of June 14)

The disbelief- is this whole God thing a hoax? Is there really a heaven? When this cancer kills me, will I really be with God or is this just something we human make up to feel better?

Answer-forget the feelings, go with the FAITH, what you know about God, what His Word says, what He has done. He has been faithful in the little things and WILL be faithful in the big things.

God's work in my cancer

I remember singing in a small weak, trembling, teary voice, “my hope is based on nothing less then Jesus’ love and righteousness.” Then a chorus of angels sang with me; “On Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.”

God knows about this cancer. He knew about it before I was born. He will use this for His glory and I will be ok, even when I die.
People’s reactions to my cancer varied. “Can I call a prayer meeting at your house and we will all pray for you?” (that was an awesome night)

"Though you slay me, yet I serve you," quoted a friend.

“Wow are you lucky! God must have something really important in mind for you in this trial. He is preparing you for a mighty work.”

“I wish I could take your place. If I could I would, "my mom said this.

I kept track of God’s provision, protection, mercy and lessons in my cancer. God sent me a friend that had chemo,and one who was in healthcare so was not afraid on my cancer and was nonchalant. There were prayer warriors, card senders and one who called every day to check up me and one who came on the darkest day I had and held me as a cried and when I was inconsolable, read scripture to me.

Friends brought me food, took me to chemo, even changed my kitty’s litter. One person asked me if she could see me without my hair and her love and concern was a source of comfort to me. (note: loosing my hair was devastating)

God kept providing and protecting me.

One night I was desperate, alone and scared. I called out to God the way He directs us to call Him in Psalm 50:15.( “Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you…”) My fears and confusion were so overwhelming that all I could do was cry out to him like a child waking from a nightmare calls his parents. I cried out GO000D!
Shortly after this the phone rang. It was a dear sister in the Lord who was out of town but had been thinking of me all day. In the middle of a dinner party with friends, she could no longer resist God’s prompting in her heart, excused herself to call and check on me.

One night I was too sick to make something to eat or even know what I wanted to eat. I just told God ‘if you want me to eat you better bring it to my door or else I will just lie on this couch and not eat.’ Minutes later the phone rang. It was a friend and when she found out how I was feeling she said; “Its time for smoothies.” That night she introduced me to smoothies, which are a must for anyone on chemo.

A week after my first chemo I started teaching a small (church) group. They did not know me before my cancer. They only knew me on chemo and without hair. They ministered to me, prayed over me, laid hands on me, gave me self worth and loved me. We even had a night when we tried on hats together. They were the first to see me when my hair started to grow back.

I knew the cancer was in the lymph nodes even when the doctors did not think so at first.In the recovery room from my second surgery, the hospital chaplain asked me to pray for him. I spent the night in the hospital and the doctor brought all his students in several times. They referred to me as the ‘smiling patient.’

I felt the prayers of others that lifted me up especially when I was too sick and too tired to pray.

On the morning when I was going back to Moffit (Cancer Center) for my first follow-up,I asked God to send me a Christian woman who lived in Sarasota and who had suffered with breast cancer to guide and comfort me. On the way home, my friend who had taken me to Moffit told me she ran into an old friend of hers while she was waiting for me and that this friend had just finished her treatment and was coming back for a check up. (Prayer answered)

Scriptures God sent me to (rhema)

Matthew 26:39 -Three times in the Garden Jesus asked for the cup be taken from Him.

John 17- the last prayer Jesus prayed was for us that we reflect His love, that God protect us from Satan and that we know His love for us. He did not pray for good times and fun here on earth. He actually knew we would suffer because we follow him.

Isaiah 29:15- the pot can not ask the potter why he made the pot a certain way. I can’t ask God why I got cancer-He know everything and I must respect His knowledge despite circumstances or my opinion of them.

2 Corinthians 1:2-5 God will comfort us in our pain and we in turn will comfort those in pain with the comfort God has shown us. Ie use what I learned in my cancer to comfort those in need.

(What she learned:)

freedom from worry, well almost ha ha;
a better focus on what is important-less time working, more time serving, loving and living;
it is ok to be weak, to let others know you are hurting, well almost ha ha;
surrender, surrender, SURRENDER! We really don’t have any power anyway, except through Christ.”

Sheree Motola
Sarasota

(We received this e-mail in 2001. Sheree left this world in June 2006-ed)