Pain and Healing

Week of September 1

 

THE APPROACH OF THE FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF MY SON STEVEN'S DEATH , I HAD BOOKED A TRIP TO TAHITI WITH A FELLOW CO-WORKER.    I WANTED TO BE FAR AWAY FROM EVERYTHING .   THE MORNING OF THE DATE 09/01, I LET MY FRIEND KNOW THAT I NEEDED TO BE ALONE FOR A WHILE AND DECIDED TO GO DOWN TO THE BEACH.  AS  AN AFTER-THOUGHT I REACHED FOR MY CAMERA. 

AS I SAT VERY PEACEFUL LOOKING OUT TOWARD THE WATER,OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE, I SAW A FIGURE  ON HORSEBACK,IN THE WATER,  AS THE HORSE DREW NEARER, THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN,BARE TO THE WAIST, WITH LONGISH BLOND HAIR.  I FELT MY SELF SUDDENLY ALERT AND AS HE WAS JUST IN FRONT OF ME HE TURNED HIS HEAD AND SMILED, NODDING HIS HEAD...I THOUGHT MY MIND WAS PLAYING TRICKS ON ME AS HE WAS THE IMAGE OF STEVEN. 

I SLOWLY REACHED FOR MY CAMERA AND TOOK A PICTURE...THE CALMNESS THAT CAME OVER ME WAS BEAUTIFUL.. I REMEMBER THINKING , NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU TRY TO AVOID THE REALITY, IT WILL FOLLOW YOU.

WHEN I WENT BACK TO THE HUT,MY FRIEND, ASKED IF I WAS OK AND I REMEMBER TELLING WHAT OCCURED AND STATING THAT I WAS FINE AND COMFORTED, BUT IF WHEN I WENT BACK HOME AND DEVELOPED THE FILM AND THERE WAS NOTHING THERE...I WOULD REALLY FREAK OUT.

 IT TURNED OUTTHE PICTURE WAS REAL AND ANYONE I SHOWED IT TO SAID , "THAT'S STEVEN"

 

A FEW YEARS AFTER THAT EPISODE, I FELT IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO GO TO VERMONT WHERE STEVEN DIED.  I ONLY KNEW THE NAME OF THE TOWN  AND THE NAME TERRIBLE MT.  A FRIEND INSISTED THEY DRIVE ME THERE.  WE APPROACHED THE TOWN AND AS WE CAME AROUND A CURVE IN THE ROAD, I ASKED MY FRIEND TO STOP AND ASK A MAN RAKING LEAVES IF HE KNEW WHERE THIS PLACE WAS.  HE POINTED TO THE ROAD WE WERE JUST PARKED BY AND WE WENT.  I WALKED AROUND THE PLACE WHERE THE HOUSE BURNED BY MY SELF AND LOOKED AT THE MAGNIFICENT VIEW MY SON HAD SEEN AND FELT AT PEACE.  AS I GOT BACK IN THE CAR, I ASKED MY FRIEND TO TURN ON THE RADIO AS WE DROVE DOWN THE MT.

FIRST SONG WAS THE BEATLES "LET IT BE" AND THE VERY NEXT THE GRATEFUL DEADS "RIPPLES IN STILL WATERS".  BOTH OF THESE SONGS WE SUNG AT MY SONS FUNERAL....AGAIN A SENSE OF CONTACT THAT HAS NEVER BEEN BROKEN WITH STEVEN HAS HELPED ME FACE MANY OF LIFES STRUGGLES.. I AM TRULY GRATEFUL TO HAVE EXPERIENCED THESE MIRACLES IN MY LIFE.

PEG SALTER
FARMINGTON, CT.