Fighting God

 

 

 

It was a season in my life that I was so angry and hurt I was even blaming God for allowing me to wreck my life. I had sacrificed so much and he allowed this to happen. I now realize it wasn’t God but it was me.

 

The Elders came over with a formfor me to sign that I would read the Bible everday, even if I didn’t feel like it.They were young elders but it was the right thing to do.

 

I told them, “ You can fire me now but I can’t sign that form.I am not reading the Bible. I’ll read the book of Ecclesiiastes…it is the only book that makes any sense. I do believe in God but I’m not sure His Word is all we have made it out to be.”

 

God heard all that and God decided No Problem. I have lots of others ways to speak to you. Two things happened.

 

One was Catherine bringing the Bible to read as a bedtime story.I was irritated because I didn’t want to read the Word but how do you tell a child you don’t want to read the Bible. What passage did she open up too.???

“I was just wiped out and  I heard God’s voice through the story.

 

That was one way he got the Word back in my heart and the other was the Diary of Ann Franck. I was watching an old version of the film in black and white. I remember seeing all the frail people fighting over crumbs. These people were under the oppression of Hitler. I realized that Lost people are under the oppression of evil.

 

I recalled the song that was sung at my ordination, a song that I have always loved, “People need the Lord.” I felt called by God to rescue the lost people. I felt I had the answer. People need the Lord. They are dying and I had the solution but I can’t get to them anymore. I felt like a gladiator who wanted to fight but that I was outside the ring.

 

I remember weeping and crying and saying what are we going to do. I’m on the sidelines. I called Bob Yawbeg later that night and he said “Jeff you are a gladiator and you will fight again but right now God is doing something in you to prepare you for the long haul. Let it happen.”

 

I know now that its wasn't God that was to blame, it was me.

 

Jeff Wilson

Birmingham Al