Sunday, December 8, 2013

Blaming God?


 
Week of December 8
 

 
It was a season in my life that I was so angry and hurt I was even blaming God for allowing me to wreck my life. I had sacrificed so much and he allowed this to happen.

 

The Elders came over with a form for me to sign that I would read the Bible every day, even if I didn’t feel like reading it. 

 

I told them, “You can fire me now but I can’t sign that form. I am not reading the Bible. I’ll read the book of Ecclesiastes…it is the only book that makes any sense. I do believe in God but I’m not sure His Word is all we have made it out to be.”

 

God heard all that and God decided No Problem. I have lots of others ways to speak to you. Two things happened.

 

One was my daughter Catherine bringing me the Bible to read as a bedtime story. I was irritated because I didn’t want to read the Word but how do you tell a child you don’t want to read the Bible.

“I was  wiped out but I heard God’s voice through the story.”

 

That was one way God got the Word back in my heart and the other was the Diary of Ann Franck. I was watching an old version of the film in black and white. I remember seeing all the frail people fighting over crumbs. These people were under the oppression of Hitler. I realized that Lost people are under the oppression of evil.

 

I recalled the song that was sung at my ordination, a song that I have always loved, “People need the Lord.” I felt called by God to rescue the lost people. I felt I had the answer. People need the Lord. They are dying and I had the solution but I can’t get to them anymore. I felt like a gladiator who wanted to fight but that I was outside the ring.

 

I remember weeping and crying and saying what are we going to do. I’m on the sidelines. I called Bob Yawbeg ( a pastor’s pastor) later that night and he said “Jeff you are a gladiator and you will fight again but right now God is doing something in you to prepare you for the long haul. Let it happen.”

 

I now realize it wasn’t God but it was me to blame.
 
Jeff Wilson
Birmingham, Alabama

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