Week of July 13
Facing your mortality at 45.
The disbelief- is this whole God thing a hoax? Is
there really a heaven? When this cancer kills me, will I really be with God or
is this just something we human make up to feel better?
Answer-forget the feelings, go with the FAITH, what
you know about God, what His Word says, what He has done. He has been faithful
in the little things and WILL be faithful in the big things.
I remember singing in a small weak, trembling, teary
voice, “my hope is based on nothing less then Jesus’ love and righteousness.”
Then a chorus of angels sang with me; “On Christ the solid rock I stand all
other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.”
God knows about this cancer. He knew about it before
I was born. He will use this for His glory and I will be ok, even when I die.
People’s reactions to my cancer varied. “Can I call
a prayer meeting at your house and we will all pray for you?” (that was an
awesome night)
“Though you slay me, yet I serve you,” quoted a
friend.
“Wow are you lucky! God must have something really
important in mind for you in this trial. He is preparing you for a mighty
work.”
“I wish I could take your place. If I could I would.
(my mom said this)
I kept track of God’s provision, protection, mercy
and lessons in my cancer. God sent me a friend that had chemo, and one who was
in healthcare so was not afraid of my cancer and was nonchalant. There were
prayer warriors, card senders and one who
called every day to check on me and one who came on the darkest day I had and
held me as a cried and when I was inconsolable, read scripture to me.
Friends brought me food, took me to chemo, even
changed my kitty’s litter. One person asked me if she could see me without my
hair and her love and concern was a source of comfort to me. (note: loosing my
hair was devastating)
God kept providing and protecting me.
One night I was desperate, alone and scared. I
called out to God the way He directs us to call Him in Psalm 50:15.( “Call upon
me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you…”) My fears and confusion were so
overwhelming that all I could do was cry out to him like a child waking from a
nightmare calls his parents. I cried out GO000D!
Shortly after this the phone rang. It was a dear sister in the Lord who was out
of town but had been thinking of me all day. In the middle of a dinner party
with friends, she could no longer resist God’s prompting in her heart, excused
herself to call and check on me.
One night I was too sick to make something to eat or
even know what I wanted to eat. I just told God ‘if you want me to eat you
better bring it to my door or else I will just lie on this couch and not eat.’ Minutes later the phone rang. It was a friend
and when she found out how I was feeling she said; “Its time for
smoothies.” That night she introduced me
to smoothies, which are a must for anyone on chemo.
A week after my first chemo I started teaching a
small (church) group. They did not know me before my cancer. They only knew me
on chemo and without hair. They ministered to me, prayed over me, laid hands on
me, gave me self worth and loved me. We even had a night when we tried on hats
together. They were the first to see me when my hair started to grow back.
I knew the cancer was in the lymph nodes even when
the doctors did not think so at first.
In the recovery room from my second surgery, the
hospital chaplain asked me to pray for him. I spent the night in the hospital
and the doctor brought all his students in several times. They referred to me as
the ‘smiling patient.’
I felt the prayers of others that lifted me up especially
when I was too sick and too tired to pray.
On the morning when I was going back to Moffit
(Cancer Center) for my first follow-up, I asked God to send me a Christian
woman who lived in Sarasota and who had
suffered with breast cancer to guide and comfort me. On the way home, my friend
who had taken me to Moffit told me she ran into an old friend of hers while she
was waiting for me and that this friend had just finished her treatment and was
coming back for a check up. (Prayer answered)
Scriptures God sent me to (rhema)
Matthew 26:39 -Three times in the Garden Jesus asked
for the cup be taken from Him.
John 17- the last prayer Jesus prayed was for us
that we reflect His love, that God
protect us from Satan and that we know His love for us. He did not pray for
good times and fun here on earth. He actually knew we would suffer because we
follow him.
Isaiah 29:15- the pot can not ask the potter why he
made the pot a certain way. I can’t ask God why I got cancer-He knows
everything and I must respect His knowledge despite circumstances or my opinion
of them.
2 Corinthians 1:2-5 God will comfort us in our pain
and we in turn will comfort those in pain with the comfort God has shown us. I
use what I learned in my cancer to comfort those in need.
(What she learned:)
freedom from worry, well almost ha ha;
a better focus on what is important-less time
working, more time serving, loving and living;
it is ok to be weak, to let others know you are
hurting, well almost ha ha;
surrender, surrender, SURRENDER! We really don’t
have any power anyway, except through Christ.”
Sheree Motola
Printed with permission
(We received
this e-mail in 2001. Sheree left this world in June 2006-ed)
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